


In The Dead of Night (You Went Dark on Me)

by Cocopops1995



Series: Twinganes [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Biological twins, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Hugs, PTSD, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and other ptsd symptoms, and so does Ryou, hyper awareness, twinganes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 19:30:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14267997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cocopops1995/pseuds/Cocopops1995
Summary: Taka notices that his brother isn't the same as he was before. And he knows it’s his fault.





	In The Dead of Night (You Went Dark on Me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kitsune13tamlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitsune13tamlin/gifts).



It starts off relatively small. Ryou enters a room and scans it to locate the nearest exit, and positions himself close to it - something Taka catches as he does the same thing himself.

 

It’s something neither of them ever did before the Kerberos mission, so Taka knows why his brother is also doing it now. And he knows it’s his fault. 

 

As the weeks pass, Taka notices other little things. Ryou is jumpier now - much more aware of his surroundings than he ever used to be when they were on earth. He never seems to reach that same level of focus when he works as he used to. It’s something the others won’t notice, but Taka knows what a truly zoned out Ryou looks like and he hasn’t seen that Ryou once since his rescue. The thought makes Taka’s stomach twist uncomfortably, because Ryou would still be able to zone out if it wasn’t for him. 

 

One day, Taka overhears Ryou complaining to Hunk about pain in his fingers. The pain is caused by incorrectly healed breaks that the healing pod hadn’t been able to fix, and it’s interfering with Ryou’s ability to do fine work for too long. 

 

An image of Ryou sitting in a dark cell, face twisted with pain as he sets his broken fingers flashes through Taka’s head. It sets a rage and guilt-fueled fire ablaze in his stomach and he has to stop himself from punching the wall and giving himself away. As it is, he does spend a good few hours pulverising some gladiator bots. 

 

The one thing Ryou doesn’t seem to get, is the flashbacks. At least, not to the same horrible degree that Taka does. There are a few times when Taka catches Ryou suddenly freezing and getting a far away look in his eye, but it only ever lasts a few seconds, and Ryou seems to shake it off and carry on as usual just as quickly. 

 

It doesn’t surprise Taka that Ryou is - at least in this respect - better off than he is. Ryou had always been the stronger twin.

 

Ryou seems to pay for that strength with sleep, though. Taka’s sure Ryou sleeps even less than he does. He’ll go literal days without sleeping at all, only to finally crash either in his workshop, or in the lounge right in the middle of doing something. Each time it happens, and Taka has to carry Ryou to their room for him to get some real sleep, Taka feels the guilt build and build until it threatens to drown him. Ryou had been able to sleep before he came out to space to find Taka. It’s his fault that Ryou can’t sleep anymore. 

 

One night Taka stumbles into Ryou’s workshop, half asleep on his feet, as he had done countless times since rescuing Ryou. It had been a long few days and Taka is exhausted - although apparently not exhausted enough to avoid nightmares - and he’s sure Ryou must be exhausted too. 

 

Ryou is bent over his desk, tinkering on some project, as usual. Taka knocks on the open door to announce his presence. He goes over to Ryou and reaches out to squeeze his shoulder, but his fingers don’t even make contact before Ryou  _ reacts. _

 

In seconds, Taka is pinned to the table with a snarling Ryou above him, and as exhausted as Taka is, with a nightmare still fresh in his mind, it’s enough to send him straight into a flashback.

 

Ryou’s snarling face morphs into that of a snarling alien. The workshop morphs into the arena. Above him, his opponent is gearing up to deliver a finishing blow. The crowd roars, baying for blood, and Taka knows if he doesn’t move  _ now  _ he’s going to die. But both his arms are pinned and he can’t  _ move -! _

 

“Taka!”

 

Ryou’s voice breaks through the memory, pulling Taka back into the present. He blinks and looks around frantically. He’s not in the arena. He’s back in the workshop. He’s not about to be killed. The roaring of the crowd is replaced by the quiet white noise of the castle, and the smell of sweat, blood and fear by grease and clean, filtered air. His alien opponent by his very worried looking twin. 

 

“Ryou?”

 

Ryou’s moved from being above Taka to being beside him. Taka himself has somehow moved from being on top of the table to being curled up, and shivering, on the cold floor beside it. 

 

Ryou wraps an arm around Taka’s shoulders and pulls him into a tight, warm hug. 

 

“Taka, I’m so sorry! I should never have reacted to you like that!”

 

Taka shakes his head and pulls away from Ryou, “It’s my fault.”

 

Ryou raises an incredulous eyebrow, “How is how I react your fault?”

 

“How isn’t it my fault?” The bitter words slip out of his mouth before he even realises what he’s saying. But now that it’s out Taka can’t keep more words from spilling out. “You were taken because of me, because of my reputation. Everything that happened to you, everything that you’re going through right now - the insomnia, the nightmares, the pain in your fingers, how you react to being startled - it’s all because of me, Ryou. It’s my fault.”

 

For a moment Ryou is silent, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. 

 

Taka opens his mouth to say more, but then Ryou cuts him off with a vehement, “Takashi!” 

 

The use of his full name, which Ryou only ever uses when he’s being absolutely serious, freezes Taka in place. 

 

Ryou grabs Taka’s face with both hands and looks directly into Taka’s eyes. 

 

“Don’t you ever say something like that again.” Ryou says, slipping into Japanese, his eyes shining with a ferocity that Taka doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. “None of this is your fault. Understand?”

 

“But-”

 

“ _ No, Takashi!  _ You didn’t ask to be abducted. You didn’t ask to be forced to have to fight for your life. You didn’t ask for any of what happened. If you want to blame someone for that, you blame the Galra, but  _ never  _ yourself.”

 

Taka feels tears well up and slams his eyes shut against them. 

 

“How?” he chokes out, “When I know that the only reason why you ended up in the same situation was because of me.”

 

Ryou moves wipes an escaped tear off Taka’s face with his thumb. “You know I blamed myself when we lost contact with  _ The Little Magpie. _ ”

 

Taka’s eyes shoot open it surprise. Ryou smiles sadly at him, dropping his left hand into his lap while sliding his right down to Taka’s neck.

 

“I let you go out there in my ship, that I built for you. You went out there, trusting that my ship would keep you alive out there, and then bring you home safely. But then it didn’t. How was I supposed to blame anyone but myself? How was I supposed to stay on earth, and not take the chance to go find you when you were only out there because you trusted my ship to take you out there?”

 

“Ryou, no. Your ship worked perfectly. We got abducted, that wasn’t your fault.”

 

“I know.” Ryou says, “It was the Galra’s, right?”

 

“Right.” Taka answers with a nod.

 

Ryou raises an eyebrow at Taka, “Which means that it also wasn’t your fault that you went missing, right?”

 

Taka looks at him for a moment, feeling his own eyes go wide as Ryou’s point sinks in. He sighs and drops his head onto Ryou’s shoulder. “Right.” he mumbles as a few more tears slip out of his eyes and drop onto Ryou’s shirt. 

 

“Right.” Ryou murmurs as he starts to rub Taka’s back with his free hand.

 

They sit like that for a long while. Eventually Taka stops shivering and feels himself starting to nod off. Ryou’s head has landed on Taka’s opposite shoulder and Taka’s pretty sure he’s dozing as well. 

 

Taka pulls away, eliciting a tired groan from his brother. “C’mon, let’s go to bed.”

 

Ryou lets out a huge yawn, which Taka mirrors, and nods tiredly in agreement. 

 

Once in their room, they settle on the same bed without even thinking about it, and they sleep - safe and warm, wrapped in each other’s arms. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Like my work? Please consider [buying me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/W7W3KRCZ) :)


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